I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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