my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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