She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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