is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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