So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
