So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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