I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
