Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
