You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
