I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
