There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
