I'm gonna have a badass scar
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
