I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
