did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
