hell yes lets make some ravioli
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
