tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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