Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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