My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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