I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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