I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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