May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How naked do you want me to be?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
