Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
