is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
