I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
