idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
