I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
