He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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