That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
