I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you would pick up someone in the library
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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