This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
