He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
