i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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