I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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