I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
