it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
