sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
