is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
