North Korea, Best Korea!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
