I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
