Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
