well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
