haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
