Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
