so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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