We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize