and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
