if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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