i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
