Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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