She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
