This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
