That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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