When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
