i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
