woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
