I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think my moral compass just broke
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
