just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize