420 ftw
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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