i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
