What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
