You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
