Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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