shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
