you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize