So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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