Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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