i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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