my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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