I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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